Open Up
by krazegirl
Summary: Temperance has had a really bad night. Will Booth convince her to open up and talk about it? Will Booth face his own demons? Just a quick two parter. Includes lyrics from Linkin Park, NOT a songfic, persay. COMPLETE... for now.
1. Leave Out All The Rest

AN: A bit different from my other songfics; this one uses the lyrics as dialogue and thoughts in a specific situation. Though it can be read alone, I totally recommend listening to the songs while reading. The first chapter song is "Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park. This will be a two-chapter fic, maybe more. I might just post the second chapter tomorrow but it's been a horribly sucky day so no promises.

Chapter 1 Leave Out All The Rest

"Open up, Bones!" Booth pounded on the door of his partner's apartment. After ten minutes of polite knocking and a half dozen unanswered phone calls to her cell and home numbers, Booth was beginning to worry. If she hadn't called and asked him to come over and go through her parent's file and if her car wasn't parked downstairs he would swear she wasn't home.

One more minute and he was going to break in, black ops style. She'd forgive him, he thought with the hint of a smile, she always does. Booth steadied the files and bags of takeout as he reached for his wallet and his trusty gym card when the door opened.

"God, Bones, you look like hell." He spoke without thinking, blurting out the first thing he thought when he saw the bags under her eyes, emphasizing her pale skin. Her hair hung loosely around her face without its usual curl or shine. But it was Temperance's eyes that scared him most. Dull and lifeless she looked lonely, afraid and weak, three things Booth had never seen in her before.

"I don't believe in-" her voice scratched, grating his nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.

"In God or hell; I know Bones, let's get you inside." Booth interrupted, pushing her inside her own apartment. He closed the door with his toe and guided her to the sofa, forcing her to sit while he stowed the food in her kitchen. She didn't protest which only added to his alarm. For once Booth was too worried about her well-being to consider his own when he opened her fridge and exchanged the take-out with two bottles of water. Tossing the files on the counter he decided to deal with his partner first, find out what was bothering her, before adding fuel to the fire.

He sat next to her, closer than he usually did, and handed her the bottle of water.

"Thanks." She screeched, twisting the cap and taking several long gulps to clear her throat.

"I was knocking out there for awhile, Bones. Didn't you hear me?" Booth decided to ease into the questions about her ragged appearance.

"I was asleep, I'm sorry Booth. Maybe we should do this another time." She looked around as if lost in her own apartment, not completely sure why he was here, now.

"What happened tonight, Bones?" Yeah, there was no way he was leaving her alone tonight.

"What do you mean?" She wasn't intentionally avoiding the question but the fuzziness in her brain and the fear that still griped her consciousness had slowed her senses.

"Today at work you were fine. When you left the lab at six, everything was okay. Now," he glanced at the wall clock, "three hours later you're a mess. What happened?" Temperance leaned back to rest on the cushion, holding a small pillow across her lap.

"It all came back." She finally answered, throwing Booth into a deeper state of confusion.

"What came back? When? When you slept?" She nodded, "what did you dream about?" He asked, probing gently, hoping she wouldn't shut down and throw him out, kick his ass as he knew she was capable of doing.

The room became silent once again. Temperance sat, still and calm, her eyes focused on some spot on the far wall, her face impassive. Booth twitched, waiting for her to answer and stopped himself from filling the space with unnecessary words. Finally, Temperance spoke, vulnerable and open, she was terrified of what her partner would think, of what her best friend would do but was more terrified of not speaking.

"_I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared. But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared. After my dreaming I woke with this fear: What am I leaving, when I'm done here?_" Booth's heart literally ached in his chest; he knew she'd experienced some nightmares after the Gravedigger case but nothing to this extent. He wanted, more than anything, to make sure she was never alone again.

"Bones, you're not missing, you're right here with me. If you were… if you were missing again, I know the rest of the squints would be right there with me, looking for you."

"I know," Temperance conceded with a frown as she struggled to analyze her own feelings on the subject, "but before I'm gone, before I die… there's so much I want to do."

Booth tried not to get choked up, thinking of losing his Bones but it was difficult. He could see this amazing anthropologist, the top of her field, a woman who'd brought justice to so many families but could still believe that she was unimportant.

"Whatever you want to do, I'll help you, you know that Bones. We're partners, that's why I'm here." _That and I love you more than you can imagine,_ he added to himself.

Temperance shook her head, she knew the impression she'd given Booth but, in fact, this wasn't about work at all. She tried again,

"This isn't about our cases, Booth. There's always going to be another anthropologist out there who can do what I do. But there's nothing else in my life, no other reason for people to remember me._ If you're asking me I want you to know, when my time comes forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed_." Booth turned and held one hand over Temperance's clasped hands. He tilted her chin until she brought her eyes to his and he spoke, slowly and deliberately.

"Bones, you're an amazing woman. Not just because of your work but because you care so much about others. You are a great friend and mentor; you never stop looking for justice, no matter who the victim is. If you were gone, I would be lost without you. And it has nothing to do with our jobs. Does that make any sense?" She nodded overwhelmed by his touching words. "Bones, what do you want from me?" Booth took a risk, hoping what she wanted was what he'd wanted all along.

"_Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty,_ if you can't remember me,_ keep __me__ in your memory, leave out all the rest. Leave out all the rest, _all of the cases, all of the mess. All the times I've screwed up when put to the test."

"Temperance, you are with me… forever. There will never be a time I will not hold a memory of you and me together. I'll never stop caring for you." Wimp! Booth chastised himself for failing to say the three words he knew he needed to say. Silently he coached himself, _don't be afraid, I've taken my beating; I've shared what I made_ of our time together Now it's up to her.

"I guess I've always known that," Temperance admitted, tearfully, "_I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through_." She paused, allowing a bit of humility into her evaluation. "_I've never been perfect… but neither have you_." Booth chuckled and let his hand rest on her shoulder.

"It's not about _forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well._ It's about dealing with it."

"I can't keep doing this, Booth." Catching his blank stare she continued, "_Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself_. You always save me. You are so great. And _I can't be who you are. _So, _when my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed_. You have it all, a son that loves you and a family that doesn't lie to you, I don't have that."

"Bones, _don't resent me and when you're feeling empty, keep me in __your__ memory. _Remember what I told you, we're family. My family is your family. _Leave out all the rest, _just _leave out all the rest." _Booth now pulled her closer, his arm around her shoulder comfortable.

They sat there for awhile, each contemplating the revelations they'd heard and made._  
_  
Temperance felt so small and vulnerable, yet strong in his presence. She thought about her family, about everything they put her through.

"I want to stop _forgetting all the hurt inside; I've learned to hide so well_. I want to carry it, let it make me strong. And I'll stop _pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. _I want to be like you, Booth, I want to be your family and have what you have but _I can't be who you are. I can't be who you are_."

"Bones, you don't want to be me. There are things…. Things I'm not proud of and you don't want to be like me." Temperance sat up, pushing herself away from Booth and watching him carefully.

"What do you mean?" She asked, fully intending on getting to the bottom of this with him.

"I don't want to talk about it, Bones. There are just some things that I can't change and no matter how big or small the family, it won't go away." He rested his head in his hands, trying to restore his emotional control.

"I shared something important, Booth. You need to reciprocate, it's what partners do. Tell me about this, whatever it is."

"Okay, Bones. Just give me a minute."

To be continued…..

AN: For any fans of "Finding Their Own Words" out there, I may be taking a hiatus from that story. The writing's fine but if I don't deal with some stuff in my life I'm going to self destruct. For the sake of my sanity I hope it won't take too long and y'all will forgive me my personal angst.


	2. What I've Done

AN: Second chapter for y'all. The song is "What I've Done" again by Linkin Park. A forgot to mention this last chapter but a HUGE thanks to friendsidol5 for the beta work, you're awesome! More notes at the end.

Chapter 2 What I've Done

Booth sighed heavily and leaned back on the sofa, one which he knew so well. He tried to relax, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. But it was no use. Telling Bones, telling her what he needed to confess was going to be the hard and no amount of preparation would make it easier.

"I guess I've thought about dying more than most people. When you're in the service you spend time just waiting, for orders or a debriefing or just waiting for your target." Booth flinched at the word, _target, I've had too many targets in my sights._ He continued, cautiously.

"As a Catholic, I've thought about what it would mean, what it would be like, to stand before God and confess what I've done." Booth waited for indict on a higher power and continued when it didn't come. Temperance was biting her lower lip, taking in the information slowly.

"I have thought about saying good-bye to everyone here and it's not the easiest thing to consider, Bones."

"Why?"

"_In this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi. 'Cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies_. Lies about the enemy; Lies about war and justifiable casualties. When those men died I wasn't in danger, I wasn't bleeding or injured, there was no imminent threat and I killed them anyway. I wonder what they'd say at my funeral, if they would gloss over those murders or try to justify them. Either way, there is no honor in it."

"How do you overcome that, Booth?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do." Temperance was adament. "How do you push past the guilt every day and do what you do?"

"I pray and I ask God to _let mercy come and wash away what I've done."_

"And that helps you?"

"Listen Bones, _I've faced myself to cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done._ I don't want to be that man holding the rifle, waiting for the moment to take another human being's life with the squeeze of a trigger. Everything I did in the Rangers I put behind me the moment Parker came into this world."

"Booth, you were a soldier, you were just following orders."

"Just another lie, Bones. But _I've faced myself to cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done."_

"Booth, I don't think you're a bad person. You yourself have said how proud you are to be a Ranger, to serve your country. How can you doubt that? It made you who you are today." Temperance let her confusion be clear and hoped Booth would respond, help her understand.

"_Put to rest what you thought of me. Well, I cleaned this slate with the hands of uncertainty._ It's not easy to wipe away such a large chunk of your life that you thought was good, that you accepted and believed in for so long. The first time I held Parker he opened his eyes and just stared at me. It was so intense; as if he could see everything I've done my entire life and was judging if I was good enough to be his dad, to teach him about life. And at that moment I asked to please, _let mercy come and wash away what I've done._ Do you know how hard it is to erase a part of your life as a lie?" The question was rhetorical but Temperance answered anyway.

"Yes." She replied, pausing before continuing, "the day you told me Max and Ruth Keenan were my parents, my name was Joy and never Brennan, I tried to wipe away my past. But you can't. _I've faced myself to cross out what I've become _as Temperance, to find what I could have been as Joy. But I can't _erase myself. _I can _let go of what _**they've**_ done."_

For the first time since he began his story, Booth looked at his partner, surprised to see tears in her eyes as she too, faced her past. In a blur of coordinated movement they clung to each other, closer than any hug they'd every shared, more intimately than either had experienced in their lives. Temperance sobbed into Booth's shirt, her hands bunching the fabric in her fists. Booth wrapped his arms around her torso tightly, holding her like a drowning man clinging to a life raft.

She needed to feel safe again. He needed reassurance he was a good man. They needed each other. Minutes passed and tears subsided. Booth wiped his face, unembarrassed by the tears which had wet Temperance's hair. He tried to convey how her words had changed him.

"_For what I've done, I'll start again. And whatever pain may come, today this ends; I'm forgiving what I've done. I've faced myself to cross out what I've become._ I won't _erase myself_ but I will _let go of what I've done."_

Temperance didn't know how to assure him that he had made the right choice. But she did understand, in some small way, what truths he found peace in.

"God forgives you for what you've done, Booth. He does." Her words went right to Booth's soul, restoring some lost part of himself. The faith he'd struggled to keep everytime he pulled that trigger was coming back. Booth smiled despite himself.

"Thank you, Bones. I know you don't believe and may not understand but thank you." As she clung to him, Booth thought Temperance looked, for the first time since he met her, small somehow. There was just one way he knew to comfort this woman who'd lost her family, been betrayed by a world of lies and left by every man she'd cared about.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bones. Ever." She raised her head to judge his sincerity and his eyes spoke the truth. At a loss for words she adopted his own.

"_I'll start again,_ Booth. With you." In a single heartbeat they agreed, the promises forged in honest pain and tears sealed with the lightests of kisses.

The End

AN: I don't know if I'll keep writing for this story, it all depends if the Music Muse/Angel of Music/Muse Monkey visits me again. I wrote this fic in my head while I listened to these two awesome songs over and over on the way to work and back. I know the first song could have been written from Booth's viewpoint but I think the second song works better for him.

As for me, I will most definitely be taking a (hopefully short) hiatus from writing and posting in order to get some stuff worked out. I'm not seeing little men in white coats or anything, but I need to find a new job, possibly move and get away from someone who's making me miserable. Why? Because I'm on the verge of an assault and battery charge and don't think I could post from prison. Thanks for your well wishes and thanks for your patience.


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